No, No, No!


No is a word that I have come to know very well. It has become the word that I say most through the day, even though I get tired of saying it and wish there was something else that could catch the attention of my toddler. It has gotten so bad that I swear, every other word that comes out of my mouth is ‘no’. Its exhausting, especially since it has lost its touch. ‘No’ used to mean tearing your hand away from what you were touching, or run before you get into trouble. Now, all ‘no’ means is ‘I am going to push my mothers buttons and see how far I can get into trouble before she comes to slap my hand’. I especially love it when my devil child looks at me, smiles and then continues to do whatever he started, even though I’ve yelled at him to stop. Even if he listens, there is no winner in this situation because he will throw himself on the ground like the sky is falling and fake-cry his little heart out. At that point I just ignore him until he gets it out.

But no matter how many times he throws a tantrum, it doesn’t get any easier listening to them. Someone asked me once for advice on how to deal with toddler tantrums. I laughed and told them there was no easy way of dealing with them. You just have to be patient, wait them out, don’t give in and cross your fingers that they don’t last longer than a few minutes. Normally, if you distract them enough, they will get out of them quickly and move on to the next thing until they find something that they can’t have. It’s amazing how easy it is for children to get distracted, and then right back into the tantrums that drive you crazy.

Honestly, I know it may seem like the days are long and tiring now, but if you give yourself some time, and can ignore the fake cries then I can promise you that this stage will pass. It won’t be long before the tantrums turn into attitude and back talking, and then you will wish for the screaming back.

Parenting, Uncategorized


It’s been almost a week since I have been home with the newest addition and so far most of my fears have disappeared. The fear of my eldest hating his sister. The fear of not finding a routine. The fear of having too much on my plate. The fear of falling into depression, like I did after my first pregnancy. I let these fears get the best of me at the hospital. The fear of my son rejecting his little sister got me so panicked that I worried about whether or not I would feel the same for this child as I had with my first. I instantly felt guilty and terrible for feeling this way because a mothers love is never divided and shared equally among her children. After doing some research, I found that I am not the only parent that has felt this way. And after spending some quiality bonding time with my daughter, I was able to get rid of these feelings pretty quickly.

As for my son, it took him a lot less time to get used to his sister than I thought. A few days in and he went from cringing away from her to kissing her and wanting to share his toys and his food with her. He now calls her sissy, smiles and laughs when he sees her. Now he won’t go anywhere without her and makes sure that we never forget to take the baby with us wherever we go.

As for the routine, I have already come to the conclusion that routines come and go and change constantly throughout life. Right now, we might have a good routine going, but in the long run, I know that it will change eventually. Its about learning to adapt to new things and new situations and embracing change. I was afraid of that change for a long time while pregnant. Yes, I was excited to meet her, but at the same time, I was dreading the day she would come, because I knew everything would change. But I also knew that I needed to embrace that change because it was going to happen whether I was ready for it or not. And in the end, things have worked out well and for the better.

Parenting, Uncategorized

Welcome the New Addition


Evelyn Fae Speelman entered the world at 12:04 pm, May 22, 2017. She weighed at a wopping 8 pounds 8.6 ounces and is 20 inches long. She has the dark, native American features of her father, which is a big contrast to my pale skin and blonde hair. If my assumptions are correct, she will have her father’s dark brown eyes as well, since they are already so much darker than my son’s were when he was born.

Late Sunday night, I thought my water broke, so my husband and I went to the ER just in case. I was in there for an hour before they decided to send me home, since there were no contractions and my body was no longer leaking. Well, low and behold, right when I stood up to get dressed, I drenched the floor. Needless to say, I was back in the hospital bed. My contractions began, and soon went the process of having a baby.

Already she is showing how stubborn she is. My contractions were doing fine when they suddenly stopped, like she changed her mind about coming out. Well, they ended up inducing me (something that I was hoping and praying they wouldn’t have to do). A few hours later, she was born. Now, I had never planned on having a natural birth. Call me what you will, but I wanted that epidural and I wanted it badly, but she came too quickly and i had no time.

It was one of the hardest experiences I had ever been through. There was an insane amount of pain, so much so that I can’t even describe it. It was definetely something I will remember forever, and my body has definetely felt it’s better days. My recovery time, though, is going pretty well. I thought that by having a natural birth it would make my recovery more difficult, but it feels the same as my first pregnancy did, sore, aching and bloated.

All in all, my baby is healthy, I am recovering well enough and my husband is enjoying his time with his new daughter that he’s already nicknamed princess. I have a feeling that he’s already wrapped around her little finger.


Due Date


Well, here we are. It’s my due date and there are still no signs of baby Evelyn. Yes, my body aches and I have been having braxton hicks like no other, but there is no sign of labor. I had thought a few days ago I was going into labor, but to my dismay, it was false signs and nothing else came out of it. Now I am here, on my due date, still patiently waiting for the baby to come. I never thought that I would be so excited and ready to go into labor. With my first child, I was afraid and didn’t know what to expect like most first time parents. But with this being my second child, I know what I am getting myself into, I know what to expect and I know what I want to do differently than the last. I am just very impatient and hope she comes today and not wait until the doctor decides it’s her time. I have even tried the different things that some women swear work for them, but nothing has changed. I’ve tried teas, foods, walking, and yoga and still nothing. I guess this is my punishment for saying that she was coming early. Now she is going to be stubborn and wait until I am about to burst before she decides my punishment has been enough. If she is anything like her parents, she will be just as stubborn, if not worse.

Parenting, Uncategorized



I am 2 days away from my due date, and even though I was hoping she would come early, it seems she is keeping herself occupied in my uterus by cramming herself against everything she possibly can. Besides being uncomfortable in every position known to man (both while awake and sleeping), these braxton hicks are killing me. As long as I am moving during the day, they aren’t so bad. It’s when I toss around at night and wake up to pee for the third time that its unbearable. Don’t get me started on ¬†what it feels like rolling out of bed in the morning. Within these last few weeks, it’s been harder and harder running after my energizer bunny for a toddler, and especially harder trying to keep up with the housework. Bless my husband and his wonderful heart, but he has no initiative to help after coming home from work. Don’t get me wrong, he does a few things that have helped out, like taking over for dinner and doing the dishes (I still have yet to get him to put away the laundry for me), but what he does do helps, even if it’s only a little. Point being, I am ready to have this baby, and I’m ready to have it now.

Now, to the point of the title of my post, nerves. Mine are on edge, and I know my husbands are. I thought that after already having a baby I would get used to the idea of being a parent to another child. But then I realized that with every child comes different worries. With my first child, I worried whether or not I was going to fail as a parent. With this one, I’m worried about how my son will take to her, and how I plan on getting a schedule down for both of them.

Fingers crossed that she comes soon.


Happy Mothers Day


To all the mothers out there, new and old, happy mothers day! It is a day to celebrate for ourselves and to get appreciated and worshiped for all the wonderful things that we do for our families… well, obviously that doesn’t happen (at least not in my neck of the woods). Instead, we get breakfast in bed, handmade cards and flowers (which is so much better than getting worshiped, if you ask me!). The special day probably only lasts for about a half-hour, and hour if you’re really lucky, and then the day begins like every other day. But it’s the thoughts of the ones we love that really count and I would never change the way my mothers days have been going so far. It’s only my second official mothers day, but so far, they are wonderful.

Parenting, Uncategorized

The Terrible Twos


I don’t know why they call it the terrible twos, when it should really be called the terrible toddlers. My son started his ‘terrible twos’ early. He isn’t even two yet (two months shy) and he began these fits of tantrums a few months ago. The fits of anger that result in throwing something across the room, and then proceeding to throw himself on the ground when he doesn’t get his way.

It has been an interesting time dealing with these fits, especially in public while everyone stares at you with bug eyes, like you somehow have complete control over your monster of a child. They happen at least twice a day, normally when he can’t wait for his food or drink, and especially when he asks for something he can’t have. I know that this is all part of the process of parenting, and I am not naive to think that my child would bypass this stage, but damn, I wasn’t expecting to lose my sanity over it. I find myself constantly torn between giving in, so that I may have a few minutes of peace, and standing firm and letting him cry it out. I go with the later of course, because I don’t want him believing that he can get away with murder, but I can’t tell you how many times my strength wavered and I almost caved. Especially on those days where there is a migraine setting in, my patience is wearing thin, and I am one step away from pulling out my hair. Then they look at you with tears in their eyes, like you betrayed them heartlessly, crying like the world is ending. But, I remind myself that I don’t want my children to think that all they have to do is cry to get what they want. So, he runs, throws himself on the floor, cries it out and after the longest five to ten minutes of my life, he stops, gets up and finds something else to occupy him.

I can only hope that the end is near, or at least he settles down before the new baby arrives. I don’t know what I will do if he decides to throw a tantrum while his newborn baby sister is trying to snooze. Fingers crossed that the toddler years are full of smiles and laughs and less angry temper tantrums!


What is wrong with the world?

Lately, social media has been taking it’s tole on my emotions. Being an empath (I will go into detail later on in my blog posts about being an empath) makes it that much harder to deal with. From animal abuse posts, to the stories of child neglect, I don’t know which is worse. And every story that I read, it keeps getting worse and worse. People killing animals for fun. Parents abusing their children to death. Pictures of starving puppies, dead cats, and dying children with bruises all over their bodies. Nannies, babysitters and teachers abusing their rights as caretakers of our children. The stories are everywhere and it makes me wonder how much of this is recent, or how much of this has just been covered up to make the world seem nicer than it really is.

The stories about the children truly terrify me, especially the ones about children being abused emotionally and physically by people that we are made to trust. Teachers, babysitters, and nannies, all finding ways to harm our children right under our noses. And then I see the stories about family members abusing children and I get completely sick to my stomach. Now, I know that not every family is full of sickos and weirdos that prey on the children in their families, but it really makes me wonder who we can trust with our kids. How can we expect our kids to be safe, and our sanity to stay intact when so many people are taking advantage of our trust? How can we expect our kids to get a good education when teachers are abusing their rights as teachers and bullying kids, sometimes worse then the students bullying each other themselves?

I know that these worries come with being a parent. Maybe my hormones have been getting me worried a little bit extra lately since I am only a week away from giving birth. Maybe I am worrying a little more than I should, but who can stand to hear these terrible stories and not worry about their children being involved in situations like these? I can’t even answer the simple question ‘what would you do?’. Because so many things run through my head. First, it’s killing the mother fucker who abuses my child. Then my mind runs to calling the authorities, and then I wonder how much they will be able to do. (In the town that I live in, justice isn’t always served fairly, especially when it involves the education system. That’s small towns and connections for you.)

Enough with my rambling on terrible things. Mommy out-



Maternity Leave and Its Troubles

Maternity leave may sound like it’s your time to relax before the new arrival, but for me, it’s been stressful since I left work. Although I enjoy spending time with my son everyday, my husband and I have also been struggling financially, which I realized is a lot more common than I thought. A lot of women don’t get paid to be on maternity leave, and my job is one of them. (I would never complain about this, because I work in a small business where I am really close to all the people I work with and they have all helped me out, especially my boss.)

I had originally planned to save as much money as possible before the new baby, so that when I went on maternity leave, we would have some money to fall back on. That quickly went down the drain when we bought our new home and needed to work on renovations. So, all of our tax return and all of our savings went into the new home. Now, we are working with my husbands salary, which is fine, but we are making it through with the bare minimum. It’s a stressful time, and even though I know that when I go back to work we will be fine, until then, what do you do?

I’ve been selling my handmade items on etsy. I have also been going through our boxes of unwanted items and have been selling them on facebook yard selling sites. So far, we have made the extra money that we need to get through. It hasn’t been a lot, but its been enough to get us through some tough times. Another thing that I suggest, if you are in the same boat as we are, do not be afraid to ask for help. I have always had a problem with this, because I never want to be a moocher, but sometimes you need to ask for help from those around you, even if you cant pay them back right away. We have had to go that route and we are hoping to not have to do that again.

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice on what to do before I go back to work?


A mothers work is never done…

As I sit on the couch, looking around the huge mess that I call my home, I am instantly overwhelmed with the amount of work needing to be done. I start making lists in my mind, but I question where I should begin and where I should end. Toys, dirty clothes, boxes filled with items still needing a place to be found. It it overwhelming and makes me want to cry. I begin to get a headache from all my thoughts and finally force myself to stop thinking and take the cleaning one step at a time.

From the overflowing laundry to the toys that scatter across the floor, it seems that a mothers work is never done. In all honesty, it never truly is. Because no matter how much you strive to fold those clothes with the perfect crease, or to organize that giant box of toys (the one filled with so many toys that you wish you could stab the person who bought so many), it will be destroyed, again, by the end of the day. The demon spawn will run through the room, creating havoc in their wake, and everything that you have accomplished will be forgotten.

I have come to realize that this is just part of the process of being a parent. You will constantly be picking up after your children (and your significant other), probably until the day they move out. But even then is unlikely. I saw that today when my mother came to visit this morning. Even though this isn’t her house, and I insisted that she not, she still picked up her grandsons toys out of the living room. (She has always had the habit of taking care of others, even when it isn’t needed.)

My point is, there will always be messes to clean, and there is always be a time to clean them. What is most important is spending time with your children. It’s okay that your house doesn’t stay clean for longer than five seconds, or that the laundry isn’t done the way you want it to be. Play with your kids. Spend time with them, because one day they won’t want anything to do with you. So don’t take anything for granted.